So this post is dedicated to my fellow newlyweds, Mr & Mrs to be, people planning to get married one day and those who also like to put pressure on couples but they’re not even in a relationship, let alone thinking about having kids lol
Coming from a Nigerian home, I had already prepared myself by learning from others what was to come once everyone was aware I’ll be getting married. The prayers of ‘you will have twins’, ‘God will bless you with triplets’ and ‘by this time next you will carry your baby in your arms’…sigh! These times we haven’t even picked the date yet lol.
So what do you do when all this pressure is coming left, right and centre?
Well one thing that I’ve always been aware of, is that there is power in the tongue. You don’t have to be religious to believe that the words we speak out or even speak inwardly have power to make or break us. I get asked, ‘when did you feel was the right time for you to have kids’, ‘how long before you got married did you start trying?’ ‘how do you deal with parents and in-laws asking you’….
The thing is, I got married to one person on the day of my wedding and we both had an agreement, level of understanding and plan as to when we would decide to have kids. Don’t invite external influences to help you decide on the things you and your partner have agreed to do. I dealt with all the pressure of having kids, even getting married by responding ‘God will do it, it’ll happen soon’. Lol
I feel women feel the most pressured in these situations. People like to bring up our body clock and how its working against us but the thing is its none of their business. Nobody knows what condition your body is in unless you go for a test, which I recommend both male and female to do especially if they are not considering having kids anytime soon. We too can be pressures of ourselves, when we constantly think whether or not we are fertile as each year passes.
I think one thing that makes having kids or not pressurising is how people rudely ask the questions. To those people in that category, you do not know whether or not the couple have fertility issues, how do you know they’re not trying to get pregnant? How do you know if they’ve not been through miscarriages? Even us as married couples tend to fall into this category and it is very hypocritical of us. So the best thing for us all, is not to ask.
I read a blog the other day, and the writer mentioned, if you see her drinking alcohol it means she’s not trying to have a baby and she isn’t pregnant lol
My advice is to do you, with a solid agreement between you and your partner. Get fertility tests if you have decided you want kids but just not yet, as finding out later whether you are or not could be a whole new level of pressure to now try to have kids. In this life I don’t think we are not ever not ready for certain things to happen in our lives. We just have to be wise, evaluate our circumstances and work hard.